Monday, August 31, 2009

Pet Peeve of the Day

This is a bookstore:

This is a library:

One is for purchasing books. One is for borrowing books.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

I am sick and tired of going to my local Barnes and Noble and seeing this:

Excuse me, am I expected to now purchase that book at FULL PRICE once this finger gnawing, sandal wearing slacker re-shelves it and moves on? Here's what goes through my head when I see this going on:

Did she touch those pages with the finger she's gnawing on?
Is she sick? Has she sneezed on that book?
Did she touch those feet with her hands, then touch the book?

You want to simply read the book? Go here:

Pictured above is a reading room at a library. Look, they even give you desks, chairs and lamps to read the book by. You don't have to park your cheap, lazy ass on disgustingly dirty mall store carpet, whip out your fancy latte and take up half an aisle while you read Pride and Prejudice in aisle 14.

To make it even clearer...this is a checkout desk at a library. They ask you for your library card and let you take the book HOME WITH YOU to read for FREE:
This is what is asked of you when you see a book in a bookSTORE that you want to read:
Please note that she is taking MONEY out of her bag to PAY for the book PRIOR to reading it. This is because she wants to read a book without someone's grimy fingerprints, latte stains and god knows what else all over it.

Here's what bookstore books are supposed to look like:Please note:
- Unopened
- Clean
- Orderly
- Untouched by finger gnawing slackers
Here's what library books look like:
Please note:
- Used bindings
- Worn covers
- Number ID's on their spine denoting it as a library book (new books don't have these!)
- Suspicious page stains that you don't question because YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THE BOOK
So please, remember this simple rule:
When books have Number ID's on the spine, you are in a library; When books have price tags on them, you are in a bookstore.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE and ACT ACCORDINGLY!
Thank you.
There, I feel better now.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Another kid turns 8, and I show up, of course.

It's been a busy month, and I have a lot to catch you up on, blog wise. I will start with yet another stunning Saturday spent attending a nephew's party - this time for a newly crowned eight year old:
Now that he is eight, he has crap to do, so the party moved at a fast pace. In no time at all, the boy had managed to accept, open, judge and set aside his mountain of presents:


and assorted cousins tried to find a comfortable spot to watch the action:
Although some appeared rather bored with the proceedings and simply moved on:
After all the sports themed gifts, mounds of cash, various models and gansta style clothing had been opened, inspected and tossed aside...the cake was the next thing on the boy's agenda. Check out the dirt bike themed cake! My sister's friend made it:
the official lighting of the cake:

and the boy served up the cake for all to enjoy:some people need to learn when to step away from the cake:
After munching through layers of chocolate frosting, yellow cake, graham cracker dirt and fondant flames...the kids were ready to relax and hang out:

My two nephews were very proud they had managed to guilt their Auntie into purchasing these Transformer Bumblebee track suits for them last week:While the birthday boy went all "HGTV" on us and started redecorating his room with some of his gifts:
...and the chicks headed downstairs to enjoy their current favorite pastime...torturing us with...I mean putting on a fashion show for us:



All in all, a good party was had by all!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The day I discovered that I, too, was merely another Yahoo.

I was under the impression that the only yahoos that had to worry about the whole television conversion to a digital signal were ones clinging to their old ass TVs while living in the backwoods of towns like Podunk, Iowa or ButtMunch, Utah.

I was wrong.

One night, I head to bed to drop off to the calming voice of Peter Thomas. This is the guy who narrates those constantly running episodes of Forensic Files on TruTV. Nothing beats falling asleep to his droning voice: "...and when the body was brought up, the investigators noticed it had no arms." Ahhhh..... ZZZZzzzzz.

But I digress. That fateful night, I turned on the TV and saw THIS:

OH HELL NO! This situation was worse than any random murder I had watched on Forensic Files. I calmly contacted Comcast (say that three times fast!) and was told in no uncertain terms that I was one of the Yahoos that required a Comcast Transport Adapter! Quickly, my mind scanned the "Yahoos that require Transport Adapters" check off list in my head:

Lives in ButtMunch, Utah, or maybe Alabama. NOT ME!

Must not have digital cable. NOT ME!

Must be watching a TV set that was considered "outdated" when men landed on the moon. NOT ME!

So why was I a victim of this horrible situation? Well, it turned out that Comcast did not advertise about the OTHER reason people might possibly need a Transport Adapter. It seems if you utilize a splitter to connect cable to another TV in your house...you are a YAHOO and might as well be living in Buttmunch, Utah!


I am advised to go pick up the free adapter at my local Comcast office. I complied. After standing in line for FORTY FIVE MINUTES (with all the other unfortunate Yahoos requiring adaptors), I was handed my transporter and headed home to install the thing. After all, darkness was falling! Nighttime approached! I needed my Forensic Files!

Here is the kit:
I pulled apart the kit and set out all the pieces for the EASY installation:
Below is the offending TV, only 3 years old, DIGITAL READY BY THE WAY...but requiring a splitter from the main TV:
As you can see, it's one of those small 13 inch sets. And YES, that is a VHS player on it. So what?? I began the "simple" process of hooking this thing up:

Plugged in Transport Adaptor: CHECK

Connected Adaptor from Cable cord to adaptor to TV: CHECK

Turned adaptor on: CHECK

Turned TV on: FAIL

I checked the cords:
Turns out the green floor switch (as seen in photo above) was off. He he he. So I turned it on and the adaptor and TV came to life:

Meanwhile, in the living room, someone was taking advantage of my absence:
After wrenching the credit card out of the cat's greedy claws, I returned to the bedroom to see that the transport adaptor had finished its set up. I did a final check:
Transport adaptor remote activated: CHECK
Television Digital Channels activated: CHECK
Use new Transport Adaptor remote to turn TV off: FAIL
I re-read the instructions. I turn off the TV manually and now cannot turn it on. I make the supreme sacrifice and CALL COMCAST.
Friendly Representative (FR): How can I help you?
Frustrated Me (FM): Yeah, uh this is Yahoo number 4, 298,342 calling.
FR: Yes, we've been expecting you
FM: What?
FR: I mean...what is the problem?
FM: Remote won't work
FR: Punch in the code 990711 and wait for the light to flash twice
FM: OK, it did
FR: OK, now turn off the TV with the remote
FM: it won't turn off the TV
FR: did you punch in the code and wait for the light to flash twice?
FM: YES
FR: let's try it again.
Now, I will cut the conversation here. Suffice it to say, I punched in the code AT LEAST 8 times. It never worked. Comcast finally gave up and told me that I would have to use my old remote to turn the TV on and turn the volume up or down. I would then use the new remote to channel surf. And then use the old remote to turn the TV back off.
Since it was getting close to bedtime, and Forensic Files was about to start, I agreed to give in and use two remotes to operate a simple 13 inch TV. The true sign of success is below:
In other news, the Bay Area has had nothing but bizarre weather lately. A week of fog, two days of heat, then some fog again. Last night supplied some heat as well as a great sunset.

Anatomy of a sunset, as seen from the backyard deck:
7:50pm:
7:57pm:
8:05pm:
8:11pm:
8:13pm:

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Another Saturday, another Kid Party

My nephew celebrated his fourth birthday this past week, and the fam all got together Saturday to ring in his fourth year with some pizza, cake and presents: The children seemed distracted by something however...
It was sad watching these little people become so addicted, so fast, to the bright flashing lights of a glass box full of crap. Not that adults ever fall for that. No, never.

Soon this was all I heard from them:

"You have any quarters?"
"Can I have a quarter?"
"I need more quarters"
"Did you give my sister quarters? I need some, too"
"Can I have just two more quarters?"
"Where's Grandma? I heard she was giving out quarters!"
"Is that change in your pocket?"
"I just need two more quarters!"
"Please! I need more quarters!"
"For the love of god man, I need Quarters!! I need more quarters!"

These grade school panhandlers would put the SF ones to shame! I noticed one of the children stayed far away from the games:
A very sad case. Others couldn't be pulled away if the actual Transformers themselves suddenly walked into the restaurant:

So to escape these tiny beggars, I took some photos of the birthday boy:


Yes, the cake his Auntie Kathy made him showed up and it was fantastic looking:
Now, I have no idea who Phineas or Ferb are, but apparently they are some new Disney show that the kids are all into. Well, not ALL the kids...
Meanwhile...it was time for some present opening, and it looks like the classics still apply to the preschool set:
Please note, in the photo below I have circled the "SpongeBob Ants in your Pants" game:
This was the ONE item I went to Target to purchase last Thursday night. I went inside, full of discipline...with a strict plan to get the game and leave the store. I left with:

2 pairs of shoes
1 package of swaddler diapers
cat snacks
fish tank light
Raising Arizona DVD
US magazine with the Gosselin drama on the cover
4 packs of sugar free bubble gum
Baby dress
baby booties
Memory card game

oh, and...the SpongeBob SquarePants Ants in Your pants game. The moral here? Target is evil!! But I digress. Back to the party:

I thought my Spongebob artwork was a fine rendering until my nephew pointed out that he had no nose. These kids today have no appreciation for "abstract" art.

More random party shots: Big sister looking cute as can be:

and... LOL:
Time for some cake action!


Once the cake was gone, the money begging set in again:

The spoils of their gambling:
Sad. I think I was taken for at least $20 by these kids!